I do not believe in happy endings. I haven’t seen them, not so much that I start to believe in them. Like others, hopelessness is an emotion too. Feel it until you can’t anymore.
One can’t write unless one feels. Though I feel something almost everyday, yet there are some days when my mind is void of all. There is a numbness that I feel all over me, inside and outside. At such a time, I crave for a muse and reminisce the loss of many muses in the past who played a beautiful role in shaping variant parts of me.
I am in a fright towards who I was in the past. Everyone and everything could affect me. I used to cry silently. I was bullied and laughed at by all the people of my age in the primary and secondary classes without any fault of mine. This experience transformed me into a premature person. Hence, now I can also connect, reciprocate and communicate with the ones who understand the patterns of life.
Dreams are known strangers. Sometimes, you drive them and at the other times, they drive you. Sometimes, the steering rides out of control. At times, they make you question the moralistic values you hold.
I lost my register yesterday while giving a presentation. Along with it, I lost very crucial notes of various subjects I am studying to me this semester. I searched for it everywhere—home and college— but in vain. Damn! They could have helped me in the test that I gave today. Also, I could have excelled in all my subjects by studying through it. It held all the keywords within. It consisted of my hard work of every day, every hour, every moment I spent in college while I still possessed it. Even my friends were worried and regretted for my loss. What a great loss!
I never feel jealous. If I don’t possess something that they have, I will regret or wish for it but never be jealous that the person should not have had that possession. But that regret doesn’t make me wail but work hard and test my personality to reveal a lot of aspects it holds that are strangers to me.
The windows are black,
which encloses each crack
within its endless track.
I am happy. They went from my life and made me sad temporarily. But now, again, after I found myself forever, I am happy. I am happy because my happiness lies within me. Also, because I got the opportunity to spend some good and memorable moments in my life to look back at. Self-love makes me happy. The realisation that I have the capacity to make me and everyone around me smile makes me happy.
I am on a constant journey of self- realisation and self- improvement. I was a sapling. The storms in my life fed my roots with water and a new life seeped into me. The thick branches of knowledge, experience and wisdom grew from the thin twigs and thin branches of innocence, inexperience and incomprehensibility. I grew into a tree. A tree which is sufficient not only for itself but for the other living organisms as well. The only source of survival it requires is water, of which the quantity may vary according to the situation. It doesn’t stop once it has reached a maturation stage, but keeps growing every moment, every day, every week, every month, every year till its life sustains. It goes through various stages in this journey of growth.