All that I ask for is to not fight for what I deserve, for the basic things like respect, job, equality because obviously, it is an unnecessary fight. These are my rights as an individual. I shouldn’t have to fight to be able to attain them. I have been arguing since my childhood and its enough and irritating now. I have always been capable enough to know what is best for me and work towards getting that opportunity. If you cannot support me, do not count the problems in front of me and just walk your own way.
In the disguise of a joke, my brother is putting false allegations on me repeatedly that I am a double-faced person, which I am not. Of course, he is upset that I write what is right and that often includes how he has, even as a form of a joke, made me feel worse about myself. Since Sushant Singh Rajput’s death (murder directly and indirectly), he keeps irritating me, as if coaxing me to react by shouting to shut him up. He does this so that as soon as I react, he will say that he is being treated by me as a ‘leftover’ (which is of course not true). I am recording this for my own sanity, so that I have a first hand record to look back at when I start losing my mind due to gaslighting.
I need a major breakthrough in my life to stop myself from questioning my existence any further. The people I am surrounded with viz. my family, repeatedly bring forth the thought of worthlessness in my psyche. They have been incapable in making me feel good and worthy since ever but now, they are attacking my thought of self-acceptance and self-love. I can’t really call them my ‘family’ anymore because there is no such institution like that in my home, at least not for me.
“You won’t be able to do it”,
“It will become so tough for you”,
“There, you will never be able to fit.”
They’ll repeatedly tell you.
You don’t need to face all the nonsense in your life. There may be people around you who make you feel guilty for just being yourself. Scrap them off the story of your life. They are not required to travel your journey with you.