It appears strange to me that I am learning
More things about me from even the missed opportunities-
Those that I took all the measures that I should not not be attending-
Even if they come with disappointments attached prima facie.
Finally, after 16, 8 and 2.5 years of instances when I faced sexual abuse at the hands of three different predators older than me in age and evil in intention, breaking me altogether and after joining all my pieces to return to the original masterpiece that I am but better myself on my own, and grieving over it, crying my heart out, facing terrible emotional pain which felt like a heart attack every time and coming out of the phase when I wanted to die after giving myself one last chance, now, in this moment, I feel like I have finally broken free from all of those shackles and really feel the burden completely off me. This doesn’t discard any of my sufferings and experiences but I am glad that now, I will be able to experience pure bliss with trust and confidence on him and me in our healthy relationship that I can sense is coming soon. I feel free now.
I am really angry on myself. Today, I had my therapy appointment after long. I really needed it, so much that I slept through it. As always, I tried my best not to but I recognised what may have been the cause of this happening again.
I am reminded of my conversation with my therapist after writing the previous blog today that writing to express grief is also a reaction. I am trying to adjust to the fact gradually that I just react to grief differently than everybody else does. What wonders can therapy do!
Humour seems interesting to me. The people who practice it, how they find the will to laugh and make others laugh in tough and trying situations.
I have a cup full of love
and I know a girl full of beauty
who deserves this cup that she receives.
That girl is none other than me.
They say, ‘Pursue your passion. The struggle would be less’, but that’s not true. The difference in the struggle would only be that you would willingly struggle for your aim and work, unlike a work you are pursuing that you are not passionate of. If you have to struggle anyways, why not struggle in something that consists a part of your soul?