As the years are passing by, the numbers of words that I use to write blog posts is reducing. Maybe, it is an indicator of the honing of my skills to write creative and to-the-point or maybe, I am becoming a writer that is at a loss of words most of the time nowadays. It may also show how I am trying to avoid experiencing a writer’s block mostly. It is true, though, that I have managed to hack through the writer’s block through writing itself.
Therapy is not scary. Even I was skeptical about whether the therapist would hurt me more and cross my boundaries before I actually attended my first session.
I don’t think I am working
because I don’t feel like I do.
Freedom is the emotion I keep feeling.
It provides me satisfaction that in it’s nature is very true.
I never feel jealous. If I don’t possess something that they have, I will regret or wish for it but never be jealous that the person should not have had that possession. But that regret doesn’t make me wail but work hard and test my personality to reveal a lot of aspects it holds that are strangers to me.
Yet again, I woke up to the repititive, terrible dream of my family dieing and me witnessing their death helplessly. Though, psychologically, it represents not the actual death but our perspective or emotions towards us and is a part of our subconscious mind, yet it shakes my conscious mind terribly.
I am trapped. I don’t know if they are my thoughts or the weather that suffocates me, but my throat feels choked off air. Maybe it’s the pressure I feel when I think of my career prospects from the perspective of my family— the economic point of view.
We are hurt and exhausted. We both faced a great fall in our lives. We give a lot to the ones we love, so much that we forget to love ourselves. I have learnt, though, after processing my emotions throughout the time I devoted to myself, that no matter what, I will never again forget to love myself. None’s entry or exit in and out of my life would affect me so much as to make me hollow and void of love. We will rise.
I can’t promise you anything. I can only try. I can try to be as honest as possible. I can try to make you feel happy and that special as I believe you are. I can try to be a member of your family and to make you a member of mine. I can try to ward off the negative in me so that it can’t affect your positive.