Finally, after 16, 8 and 2.5 years of instances when I faced sexual abuse at the hands of three different predators older than me in age and evil in intention, breaking me altogether and after joining all my pieces to return to the original masterpiece that I am but better myself on my own, and grieving over it, crying my heart out, facing terrible emotional pain which felt like a heart attack every time and coming out of the phase when I wanted to die after giving myself one last chance, now, in this moment, I feel like I have finally broken free from all of those shackles and really feel the burden completely off me. This doesn’t discard any of my sufferings and experiences but I am glad that now, I will be able to experience pure bliss with trust and confidence on him and me in our healthy relationship that I can sense is coming soon. I feel free now.
It feels good to be known but I feel better when I remain in the unknown and my work is appreciated and better, constructively criticised instead. Do you know me? Do I know myself?
It is weird how a simple gesture of random expression of gratitude by the person I love while conversing can trigger my hurt and remind me of another toxic situation I was in earlier in my life.
Everything is a burden.
I’ll wait. For the moment when you’ll heal, I’ll wait. Till the minute you would regain your trust and faith on love and your innocent self, I’ll wait. For the day when that sad, dull corner of your heart would be filled again with vibrancy, I’ll wait.
I understand. I understand that you loved her but she loved none yet fooled all to believe so. You thought she was yours just like you were hers. When you found out it wasn’t so, that when she said she loved you she didn’t mean it, you were broken. She broke your trust, your heart. She broke you.
It hurts a lot today
but would heal tomorrow
If you stop associating
it with pain and sorrow
Time is sand.
It flows from our hand
As tight we may keep our grip
A pinhole and all of it would slip.
Butterflies in their stomachs,
Cheeks gleamed in pink hue
Lips played the game of seal and unlock
To share a bit of their life’s rue.
You, I must say, are a beauty. I won’t hold my emotions back this time. I don’t care however people may judge me for being this explicit about my feelings. I haven’t met you, but you have become a friend. Before you, after my breakup, whoever I talked to, even my old male friends, seemed to me as deceptive as my ex boyfriend, with a hidden malicious intent somewhere in their hearts, some selfishness. After 6 months, now that feeling has started to fade away and believe it or not, it’s because of you.