A part of you still wants to believe their innocent face,

To forget their lies, treachery, malice,

All the wrong that they did,

To hold them in your embrace.

“Anything dead coming back to life hurts.” These lines by Amy Denver from ‘Beloved’ echoed in my mind when I was trying to sleep today and saw appearing from the dark, a skeleton with red eyes rushing towards me. Then, when I wen to wash my face and closed my eyes when I splashed the water on my face to clean the facewash off of it, I saw the skeleton standing behind me in broad daylight in a place where there was no one else but it was like the interior of a fort where there is no ceiling in that area, probably the lawn or balcony or entrance-type area. It was made all with brick and was an open space. What is haunting me? The past? What is the dead that’s coming back to life? I have been thinking about all of this but have found no answer uptil 5:58 am right now. The past that I revisited was recording songs in studio but I thoroughly enjoyed it. It can’t be the reason because haunt means something scary and my dreams have been indicating something scary that is related to the past. What is this? Why do I remember these lines?

Freshly bathed, I stand in front of the mirror. My body looks so beautiful. I look fit. The rolls on my body are just perfect. I wouldn’t want them to ever disappear. My collarbones and each angle of my body looks so beautiful no matter however I may stand. It looks different from each angle but obviously so beautiful.

I am learning to laugh at my pain to become light-hearted and seeing that it works sometimes, learning to love the signs that universe is sending to me, learning to care less while embracing and expressing all of my emotions. I am learning to learn the patterns hidden in similar circumstances and cycles happening in my life, learning to love me for being me and taking a stand for myself against any wrong being done, letting others know that they have to repent for hurting me and can’t just get away with that.

I am not angry, bitter or hurt anymore.

I am trying to explore and understand more.

After settling these cloudy emotions,

A new clarity has set me into motion.

She cleared her spectacles and handed it over. She took it from her and wore it. She asked, “Is it clear now?” “Yes, I can see clearly”, she replies. They see three men and four ladies pass by. The woman in the saree adjusted her lens and thought to herself, “I wish I could carry bikinis and one-pieces apart from gowns and sarees. They must have their own joy, I am sure.”

Bad memories can be replaced with good ones. That is how I have dealt with them. A negative cue can ruin your moments but replacing them with the good ones by reminding yourself of a good memory when you are being haunted by a negative one can take that power away from them to a lot extent. It is just one information being replaced by a better one. That way, one doesn’t has to force oneself to forcibly make sense of or bring out the positive out of the negative instances and experiences.