I can feel myself going back to the depressed state of being that I am diagnosed with. I want to help myself, stop myself from doing so. Sometimes, I win. A few other times, I don’t know what can I do except watch it happen helplessly.
I don’t feel like getting out of bed.
It’s not laziness; maybe the cold instead.
I don’t feel interested as much in my work;
Get terribly shaken by “little discomfort”.
I am trying so hard not to focus on it but I am feeling uncomfortable. I am at unrest. Something is missing. There is a cyclone of gibberish going on inside me. I am feeling it when I try to focus on my breath and whenever I reinstate my focus back to me, even if just for a second.Continue reading
Booking the appointment of my next therapy session was being postponed since the first of this month. It is such a huge task whose execution needs a lot of planning and yet, I can’t ever say when, how or if even at all that planning will be successful. I thought of it today, saw the availability and booked the session because it is a priority and there are many things already piled up to be discussed. I have found some answers but there are still many questions in my mind. And oh, my mind, of course. I give it a minute and it starts convincing me to delay or cancel on attending therapy at all because it gets stressed. Thankfully, this time, it doesn’t have so much time that it can do that because I am going to be busy in work and will be doing the work related to the next session. As for the update, I had already felt it intuitively, like I felt another cycle coming to an end intuitively before it happened in the 3D reality. Weird ways of life, I can say, or maybe some karmic contract reached its end. Whatever. I am quite processing it and quite not.Continue reading
I am drained. Things just don’t turn out be good ever and nobody understands my pain- they just don’t. They are not in my place. I don’t want to blame anyone. I just wish…..someone understood….for once…..that it’s not so easy to just feel good, it’s not justified to keep working when I have no energy but I have to because of the circumstances. I just….I don’t know. It takes so much energy to talk to people I love. They come really close to understanding the issue but just don’t reach there completely ever. It’s like….crying is never enough and it is so tiring that as soon as I let myself feel my low emotions, the negative energies and elements start attacking me. I can’t truly relax……ever.Continue reading
Let me stay happy in my bubble.
Don’t pop it and take me out of it
Even if you assume me to be an escapist.
The reality, sometimes, is too cruel.Continue reading
Every day is a struggle
Each moment is a challenge,
Any random moment, I start feeling anxious.
This has nothing to do with my vibration.Continue reading
If my mind would have been a person,
I would have kicked it for doubting my friends,
For making me insecure of formed and forming relations.
Asking for its logic only takes me to dead ends.
What should I do?
Where should I go?
Tell me if you know.Continue reading
When I laugh through known and unknown pain
Are you able to see through it?
Do you see that I have turned hysterical?
I don’t know if my laughter means something.Continue reading