I can feel myself going back to the depressed state of being that I am diagnosed with. I want to help myself, stop myself from doing so. Sometimes, I win. A few other times, I don’t know what can I do except watch it happen helplessly.
I can see that technically, everything is great and so, I should feel good. There are not even as much troubles constantly nudging me as before but do I feel myself falling back into it somehow? Yes— sadly.
It’s weird how great moments of my life are followed by immediate depressive episodes. I don’t feel sad or aggrieved. I feel zoned out. I am feeling this after I did what I find the most peace in after months today. I enjoyed the activity thoroughly. Am I crying? No. Do I feel like it? Absolutely not. Does everything appear dull around me suddenly, even if it is in broad sunlight of the afternoon? Sadly, yes. Does it have something to do with the winters? I can’t say. Can I do something about this? Yes and I am going to do it now.