Where’s The Light?

Diwali is a time in the whole year that I love the most but this year, I don’t feel as much in the mood of it. Irritating things are happening around me. My mother killed most of the vibe of Diwali by postponing decorating the house and lighting up diyas to the point that I didn’t want to do it anymore. I told her that I would make the rangoli yesterday but she refused saying that it is made on the actual day of the occasion and not before that and pasted a sticker pf rangoli outside the house. Today is the first day of my periods—of all the days in the month, today, the day of Diwali. I am creating another song but my brother cannot stop trying to teach me my work, criticising my way of working and my skills and calling it “giving a response”. This is why I don’t like working with other people. Work doesn’t happen at all and my mood and vibe is always ruined. On the top of that, I have to tolerate unnecessary opinions that make me feel bad about me and my work. My content also doesn’t turn out to be something positive. My body is aching since over an hour and I don’t have the energy to get up in pain and prepare a hot water bag for me. Pain is not letting me sleep. Struggle to achieve financial freedom is still going on.

My besties cannot visit me because they will be busy in festivities. Some relatives are sick. I suggested that we may visit and gift them something positive on Diwali as a wish of them getting well soon but my mother refused saying that it will be too late in time to return for Laxmi pujan. She said that we may give these gifts a day later. What is the logic behind giving the gifts once the festival is gone? I have been asking my mother for the diya that I always use to light up in my room but had stopped to clean it because Diwali was approaching but she hasn’t returned them to me yet. She asked me to light up the diyas of mud that she has bought this year but she even removed them really soon, not letting them stay lit up during the night. Why call it a festival when no one has to celebrate it properly? The people are bursting crackers in the building and that is creating so much of noise pollution. It hurts the ears. I have tried to paint something and be creative this Diwali. This is a terrible start to the day of Diwali; can’t decipher what the end will be like. Hope that at least, that will be a good one. Only what I have created is bringing me happiness and hope this Diwali— be it blogs or videos.

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