I am trying so hard not to focus on it but I am feeling uncomfortable. I am at unrest. Something is missing. There is a cyclone of gibberish going on inside me. I am feeling it when I try to focus on my breath and whenever I reinstate my focus back to me, even if just for a second.
Am I searching something? No, certainly not, at least that is what I can decipher at the moment after examining my emotions. This is not a sense of threat or danger nor is it my intuition trying to tell something to me. There is calm that I can feel so it is not anxiety for sure. It doesn’t have anything to do with what I am watching, eating, doing. These activities are just distracting me from it instead.
It’s like there’s a calling which I can feel but I can’t hear it. Is it a person, place, thing, situation, the past? I don’t know. I want to hold it gently but firmly in my hand and if possible, feel it. I seldom have any interaction with people unless absolutely necessary so it is not that either. It is not inner critic. I am feeling beautiful. It is also not about the complexity of life nor are there any physiological or medical possibilities.
At this point, not being able to figure it out is quite frustrating. What is it, after all? Is it something negative? Definitely not. I have meditated on it and found that it’s not negative for sure. It has positive vibes but a little bit of nervousness attached with it. Is it my will to sit in different coffee shops and work while drinking anything but coffee? I have already drank four glasses of water uptil now and it is not scorching heat outside so this is not because of not drinking water. The fan is already switched on in my room. I still feel it burning right below my collarbones above my chest and in my armpits. What is it?
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