Weird Intensity

I have never felt like this before. This unknown emotion is making me restless. It is stirring something within me. It is something. Does it have a definite name? I don’t know. If I ever marry in this lifetime, who will I marry, I don’t know but by the vague blur figure I see in my visions and dreams now that I know that he will look different from his spiritual form, there is a sense of peace, no heaviness but at the same time, I feel something very intense within me for this unknown figure. I don’t imagine any stress or worry because I feel like we will actually work together as partners on our connection always as will perfectly complement each other. If anything, I imagine peaceful co-existence at all times and fun and goofiness rather. Normally, what I imagine or see or feel in my visions on the surface level looks like games, fun, healthy communication and slowly opening up to each other but then, there is something very intense I feel, that makes my fists clench in the visions and in the 3D reality. It is something like an aggressive pining but more.

It is so weird. The energy I feel is so new, unlike any of the before’s at any given point of time yet it’s absurd……it feels like there has been a yearning buried in me that comes out with this unknown person’s presence the moment I see in his eyes because that brings many deep-level truths to the surface, like I am recalling the memories that I have never seen me live and create. It’s so weird and I don’t mean it in any unhealthy or abusive way but this is so intense that I feel like grabbing his collar with my fists tightly and pull him closer to my face, not to hurt him but in an attempt to understand why this puts me at unrest. I have started feeling this lately, since this month, because that is from when I have been sensing this new energy. I have NEVER felt like this for anyone. It’s nostalgic, pining, intense, I feel like writing that “like I found something that I lost that was mine” and mind you, I don’t like ownership in any kind of connection that I share with people. I don’t think you understand….when I see in visions that I look in his eyes (which themselves appear blur to me), it’s like I see ages and lifetimes.

What’s happening to me? Is this a part of spiritual awakening? I have left the past behind healthily. Seeing visions of ages ago, that too after looking into someone’s eyes, that too, a man’s eye? I know that I have been vibing with my spiritual partner in 5D reality since years but this intensity is something extremely different, unlike anything I have experienced before – 2-3 connections at different points of time, each lasting 2-3 years at least, never overlapping each other, intensity ends when the connection ends and all of my love and positive emotions, even those that I directed towards them earlier, are directed towards me because I am sologamous. For the first time, the 3D possibility looks way more intense than 5D reality, which is already n times intense in itself. It is a very weird intensity. Maybe, there is a word for it but I don’t know about it. This is so strong that I had to express it. What is this? What am I feeling?


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