Years have gone by and are still passing by on setting intentions and working on them including setbacks which make me fall 10 times and good days which lift me by one. It is like the struggle is not ending but fortunately, the major lessons have. This whole journey is ugly. It is tiresome and shadow work is not beautiful, at least, I haven’t experienced it so. There are no rewards and even achieving them is an additional and unnecessary hardwork that I have to put in.
I create everything I need and have to do it from scratch every time. I need absolute financial freedom and I am struggling a lot, to the point that it seems impossible, but I am creating it myself. I had to be extremely strict with my boundaries cut off all sorts of possible ways in which anyone could access things related to me, especially my work, to make my personal and private space because I had none and it frustrated me to the core. And this is not something to feel proud about. It is a shame that the society we live in is such that we have to literally fight to the extreme to get what we always deserve to have in the first place. It is extremely frustrating and adds to my aggression. It takes a toll on my mental health and doesn’t let it improve nor does it let me relax, for a change.
This frustrating phase just keeps going on. There has not been one whole year since I am born when I can say that I had nothing to struggle with and everything was smooth sailing. Most of these years, I was dealing with toxicity and trauma. I am feeling extremely frustrated while writing this. Maybe, if we stopped associating valour with dealing with all of this and start eradicating all of these causes which result in long-term burnout, the world would be a really better place to live in and not just survive. This valour becomes a veil to these setbacks of humanity.
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