Even if we aren’t together, aren’t able to meet, have terrible fights and no labels and commitments uptil now because it has been long since we had an honest conversation about what’s inside us with each other, the thought that he exists, he is breathing somewhere, he is real is enough to calm me down. Yes, that makes me miss him but that is better than he not existing anywhere. He is like my thoughts, expectations, my ultimate come to reality and I am saying this after seeing the worst he can get to on 3D and 5D levels and after facing hardships and challenges related to those aspects equivalent to those of a decade. Yes, this post is driven by the realisations that have come after me exploring my sexual aspects more but that is not the only reason. I am thankful for these realisations.
I am not addicted to him or I would have wanted his presence around me in physical reality all the time. The kind of bond we share, the way he encourages me to express myself and has opened me up verbally is like magic (not sorcery). We don’t share a trauma bond but a healthy one or I would have just sought him when I feel scared but I was listening to the lyrics of POV by Ariana Grande and that made me think of him because I think the same towards him, only I just realised today and so, I am writing it here. Both of us know that we can choose to see other people at any point of time but we find ending up talking to each other, even if it is just a word.
We are completely different in everything but we unite at some point in each of these categories. Completely unrelated to this writeup but since I felt it again, I am telling here that in a sudden moment around 3:30 am today, I felt like a new beginning has arrived. I can listen to our conversations countless times and realise something new out of those each time and never get enough of them. Even if I discard out spiritual reality, how will I discard my intuition, my feelings, my logic- all at the same time? It feels like I am complete within myself yet something is missing, as if my heart is gone (if I explain literally because I am not getting exact phrase to make you understand that) if he is not around. He is the prana (it just sprung up in my mind) to my body. I may deny this in anger or hurt but this is true and I have said this before too that he literally brings life to my life.