When I laugh through known and unknown pain

Are you able to see through it?

Do you see that I have turned hysterical?

I don’t know if my laughter means something.

There have only been a few instances where I laughed fully.

Otherwise, I can feel (even if a bit) something

That probably hides itself in that laughter.

For that part of me, hysteric laughter is more sought after.

I don’t know why I am writing that.

Did I do something wrong which brought it back?

Will it also bring back doubt and pain?

Am I going down the hill again?

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