I am writing this at 11:11 am. My cousin sister’s wedding is fixed and so, to meet the family of the groom, my mausaji and mausi has come to my home. On the first day, there was a rift between my cousin brother and mausi and today, my mausaji said, coming to my room willingly when I was sitting in my bedroom with my cousin and said that I must “look like a girl” which is being too thin according to the societal standards. It didn’t mess me up because first, I don’t care. Secondly, I told him that he does not need to worry because my doctors are here to tell me what must I do. I literally have to energy either to work or work out in any way. Thirdly and most importantly, my cousin sister stood up for me automatically and stopped him from judging me any further.
These are the standards which need to be changed, have started being changed and will transform completely in a healthy way over time and why should I care? The people who point out “mistakes” or “flaws” or “shortcomings” in others have either been programmed to think like that and have surpassed the level of inculcating change within themselves or they don’t have the capability to understand the change that must come within themselves because they, especially my mausaji as I know him, don’t really understand the transformations going on the society that we are living in. I know that as far as my reports are healthy, I am feeling fine, my cellulite, mood swings, ability to laugh freely, being ‘masculine’ to the world and ‘feminine’ to my beloved, staying up all night working on something with passion, my structure in the visible ‘chaos’ is all who make me and all that I embrace as I must and I know that contrary to the society’s beliefs, my beloved will also accept me (for marriage- for that is their concern), would love to do that wholeheartedly however I am because he will be able to see my beauty like I can—be it of any form.