I have my next therapy session two days later but somehow, I remembered today’s date. It appears to be a sad affair but was a beneficial one because it has already benefitted me in more than one ways today. I slept early because I didn’t want to take a chance on missing it. So, I woke up early as well. I procured the necessary details of latest visit to the doctor because I have to discuss it with my therapist and now, have the details of which medicine do I have to take how and when and for what purpose because I clicked a photograph of my prescription to share with my therapist because he needs to know all the details, especially if they are medical as everything is interrelated. So, now, I am completely in charge of my medical details. Yesterday, when I visited the doctor, I discussed my problems with them myself which is another step that I took as a responsible adult.
I completed the task that my therapist gave me until today’s date, as much as I could understand it and so, I also checked when did I have my last therapy session which helped me keep a track on me in many ways, which I should as it is benefitting me. I recalled all the necessary things to discuss and was reminded of several truths that my brain bounces back from accepting. I did retrospect while doing the task of my therapist as it also included my blog writing which, including the noting down of other details that I haven’t shared with my therapist yet because of paucity of time, gave me an opportunity to know that my thoughts are not as secured as I believe them to be because I forget the minute details that I note in the course of the day.
I was retrospecting my journey uptil now in therapy and that reminded me of why I shouldn’t forgive certain people in my life ever because their are countless things that they have done wrong and still justify them and have never apologised for it. This reminded me that unlike the popular impractical sayings, the practical thing to do to really be at peace is to not forgive the one who didn’t realise their fault and never apologised. Do not implicit apology. This karmic lesson of mine was reiterated today by all the flashbacks since college time to now and also reminded me of who were the ones who really stood by me in my tough mental health journey, which, like all the good causes, does not at all include my parents. It reminded me how my parents have always been a cause of extreme trouble for me, be it 10th standard or when I confronted them about my deteriorating mental health and also how two-faced they have always been- offering support at random moments but never giving it when needed. Instead, they keep fuelling my troubles. This false reminder reminded me of many right things and also, that I should thank my supporters again because I never had many.