I wrote and published my thoughts less in the beginning because I had a terrible fear of judgement. I still have that but its nature and intensity have shifted and changed now. One thing that is the same is that I never want the focus of the people should be on me but only my work. I don’t want to hear another “you should wear that or do this” from anyone. All I want people to focus on is my work of all sorts and the important messages that I have to deliver to them. I do art because I love art and gives me clarity and peace, even if it appears like havoc. Art can give shape to my havoc as well. I have done this many-a-times and am probably still doing this at this moment.
Therapy has helped me a lot in identifying, processing and working on or letting go many aspects in my life, as and when necessary. It helps me in keeping my mind—even in its state of wreck—at peace because my mind or thoughts are not trains that they will need a direction. However, if I am confused, the confusion is always cleared out by him. I am glad that I have a therapist who has been really patient with me because any kind of pressure would have made my situation even worse than it was (which was the worst).
College certainly provided the time I needed to maintain this practice of practicing some kind of art and having an online platform helped me in maintaining my work and my efficiency. I don’t care now. My work space is the personal space of my creativity. I express and will continue to express however I want to because I don’t care if people like my work or not. I am critical enough to decide on that. I don’t allow anyone to tell me how to do anything related to my work. If anything, they turn everything into something worse. I am back in my power in many ways, even better. I like it and I am only moving forward to my happy place from here and this is a thanksgiving to whoever and whatever helped me in being able to be more like me.