Toxicity is not to be tolerated. Fight against it. Of course, the results may not be favourable or desirable. Fight regardless of all. If you do not fight, the toxic situation or people will further damage you by trying to trample you. You may even be shuddered within due to this act of theirs. So, stand up when anything toxic happens to speak against it. Or you can maintain peace because you know that toxic people will never change and are deliberately doing things because receiving a reaction makes them feel powerful enough to manipulate you. Tolerating toxicity does no make peace however, maybe in the short term but definitely not in the long term.
First of all, make sure that you are not the one being toxic or unhealthy. If you are so, work on removing all of your toxic aspects. Only then is pointing others’ toxicity out will be more fruitful and may even make more sense. However, if you have been good but you have still received unnecessary stress or anything that is deteriorating to your health, then cut them off of your life completely or create strict boundaries with them if the former is not possible. Often when you do not speak up against their toxic behaviours, it strengthens their belief that whatever they are doing is correct.
In any and every way, try to make sure that you are safe, sound and healthy in all aspects. Being around toxic people leads to the deterioration of the physical, mental and emotional health. Stay away from people who do not speak up against anything wrong that is happening. They are equally wrong and unhealthy as the one who is doing wrong. Also, in this journey, be cautious but you do not have to do it all alone. You can take help from others, especially a professional, if you strongly feel that you need it and that it will help you in your situation. Such negative auras of toxic people that keep lingering around you deteriorates and irks you and your positive aura benefits them. Try to protect your aura and energy as much as possible in as many and all kinds of ways that effectively can be implemented on you.
Making these people correct themselves is also not your responsibility. When parents guilt trip children in the name of reciprocal, this is manipulative and not healthy in any sense. Even if the culture followed by the society that you live in promotes this behaviour, it remains to be toxic. Even you, as a caretaker, may only then become more susceptible to fall into trauma bonds later, where you may mistake something else for genuine care that you deserve. It may also make you toxic. Hence, checking up on yourself prior to everything is extremely essential.
Age or relation does not justify toxicity. If someone is old enough that you cannot call them out for their toxicity, then they are also old enough to not be toxic and to be working on themselves and removing their toxic aspects. Do not let them tell you, however, that you are the problem when you clearly know that it is not so. They may try to prove this point by pointing out your mistakes, manipulating what you say to serve their interests, burdening you with the “duty” of being respectful even when they are not just because they are older, maybe in age or maybe they belong to an older generation. Generation gap is not a justification to toxicity. Toxic people always have things to say to justify themselves and have convincing speech. This does not make them any less toxic just because they are shifting the blame on you instead of understanding and taking responsibility. Healthy people may also have convincing or somewhat manipulative speech but they will not use it to target you or to let you down or to make you feel uncomfortable within yourself or develop any other issues related to your self and psychology. Someone’s “experience of living life” can never be an excuse to them being toxic, hurting or abusive or anything unhealthy towards other people.
Also, do not attach forgiveness with bravery or cowardice. You may or may not forgive someone for your own reasons. Nobody shall coax you into forgiving another, especially if they use guilt to attain this. Not everyone is meant to be forgiven. Knowing what brings you peace, whether it includes or excludes forgiveness, is wisdom. Also, not every generational cycle is to carry forward. If your ancestors have been practicing and tolerating and accepting toxicity, it does not mean that you must do it too. Accepting toxicity is a toxic behaviour in itself. So, it must not be taken forward.
If there are ‘must’s or expectations from children, then parents must do their duties diligently too. Not giving and wanting to accept in return is unhealthy and toxic. Equal give and take is healthy. It must be practiced. Nobody shall be guilt tripped into being of service because it is a part of the culture. If that is so, the culture is unhealthy and must change. Just because something is being practiced since years, it does not mean that it is justified. We have seen many such examples of various kinds across the world over time.
Shame, guilt, gaslighting are the weapons of the toxic people. Even if you become spiritually awakened in your life later, none of the credit for this goes to these people. It was your own genuine and had work on yourself and your perseverance that you could reach this point in your life.
Being around these toxic people for long consumes a lot of your energy and breaks you down from within, making you hollow from within slowly over time. Be aware that toxic people do not always show their toxicity. There are some toxic people who may be submissive in nature than you. They show their toxicity when more toxic people or those people who are more toxic than them are around you so that when they attack, they attack strongly. Toxic people do not appear to be toxic. They are the people who live with every day but they talk behind your back. If you cut them off, they show that they have a problem with that which they do have because they no longer have access to your energy. Always speak up against their toxicity because if you do not, the problem becomes more severe and many ways.
To identify toxic behaviour, you need to first remove all the cultural patterns of relationships and all the toxicity that the culture accepts that comes attached to this relationship, for example, parents. Do not let them delude you with “we only wish your good”, “parents do everything because they care for their children” or “when you will become a parent, you will understand”. Also, make sure that if and when you do become a parent, you do no carry with yourself any aspect of your parent(s)’ toxicity into your parenting style during parenthood. Toxicity needs to stop being carried through generations.
My reality does not permit me to stay silent when I spot anything toxic being practiced. No one should. One must speak up against it. There is no other way to deal with it. Help when needed and do not shove your head into others’ matters when not necessary. Do not give your unsolicited advice when not asked for. These are the behaviours that make you undesired. Do not be surprised if you do this and a conscious person cuts you off your life. Do not keep spreading negativity everywhere you go, especially when you create a lot of problem that you describe or crib about to others. Do not make someone else, who has not done anything wrong towards you or anyone and is completely innocent, struggle or cry because of you. Always assert yourself when you are correct by all logics of non-toxicity and healthy behaviour. Be prepared to be the ‘bad person’ of the family because of being the one who can spot their toxicity. Your family may be dysfunctional and as a conscious observer of this, you are not the one responsible for this dysfunction. Guilt tripping is a form of manipulation toxic people use to control the conscious observer’s mind and sometimes, even behaviour so that they can keep manipulating the observer without being held accountable for their toxic behaviours and actions. It is a toxic act and method.
How Do You Identify That Someone Is Toxic And What To Do Then?
What To Do And What Not To Do?
What All Can You Have To Face When You Take Certain Steps In This Direction?
All of us may have been living or may have come across at least one toxic person in our lives, no matter whatever age we are. But how do you identify them? I identify the vibes because I am an intuitive person. Another thing that is prominent is that since toxic people are energy-suckers or parasitical and even if they are not so, their vibes are, observe if you have been falling ill whenever someone specific has been lingering around you. That person, then, definitely is toxic and you need to cut them off if possible and set up boundaries with them if the former is not possible, as soon as you can. If possible, shift your location to somewhere they cannot have access to you and most importantly, when taking these major decisions consciously, do not let the good memories of the past (if any) or your emotions of goodwill towards them when you had not recognised their toxicity derail you from your strong and wise decision of distancing yourself from their toxic energy.
If the situation is worse and the toxic person is also an abuser, contact the best professional help you can—any rescue system that can help you—and be ready to receive their help and not be held back by the good moments of the past right before you can escape toxicity. Act wisely and cautiously and by that I mean, in the best way that you get out of the toxic situation without letting anything harm you in any way. Do not be tricked by anything that the toxic and manipulative person says or does or try their mentality to escape from them.
Sometimes, it may take longer to escape these kind of situations because you may be underage or not financially secure to have a place to escape and relocate to. In such a case, work on receiving financial freedom slowly without letting the toxic person know your good intentions for yourself and try to maintain as much distance as possible from them or act as if everything is ok (which does not include tolerating abuse) until you slowly slide away from their environment. The most direct way can be to find a job in a faraway place and if they do not let you do that, work from home, earn and find an accommodation elsewhere (to a safer place) while collecting money to buy the same through your job earnings. Also, if you have given the control of your previous finances to the toxic person, take it back as soon as you realise that they are toxic. Do this cleverly. Always have a separate individual bank account, even after you get married or are in a business partnership with someone. If you are a child, open an underage bank account by somehow convincing your parents first. Sometimes, they do agree to this and may even encourage your money-saving skills. As I said before, toxic person does not necessarily show their toxicity at all times. This does not mean that that person is not toxic at all. Do not get carried away in emotions or else you will be even more confused. Sometimes, even the culture you belong to or are brought up in is toxic. This also does not justify the toxicity of any person because once you grow up, it is your responsibility as an individual to unlearn everything wrong that you learnt when you could not decide consciously whther the information that you are receiving is right or wrong. Also, do not hide from others that someone is toxic by painting them as a healthy person in other’s eyes. This will create problems for you later. Believe when you receive the signs or you recognise intuitively that the person around you is toxic.
Do not use another person as an escape to the toxicity that you have been experiencing. It is not only wrong towards another person that you are using them for your benefit, especially if you choose to be in a romantic commitment with them because of this, but is also harmful and dangerous in the sense that coming out of a toxic pattern, you may find yourself trapped into such a connection with another toxic person. In this case, you will be attracting what you were escaping so it will be futile. Heal your issues first and then, when you are healthy enough and you find a partner who is healthy enough to stay with, even if they have issues to deal with which are not toxic, come in a relationship or commitment with them if both of you agree to.
Not all toxic people behave in the same manner or portray toxic behaviours all the time. If needed, write down each event as it happens whenever someone behaves in a toxic manner and this may include events that happen at all scales.
Process your emotions and do not let any feeling be repressed within you or it will cause problems later. Grief, anger, confusion are all emotions and emotions must be felt. Let all that is inside you come out in the most healthy manner possible because keeping everything inside never will benefit you.
Anyone can be toxic and this means not just anyone in a group, like family or friends or neighbours, even random strangers can be toxic. The way toxic people present their thoughts immediately reflect how toxic they and their mentality are. This is more to be implemented on strangers. Sometimes, you may see a random video of approximately 20-30 being shortly interviewed and even if there may be one person with a domineering but genuine personality and one with domineering and toxic personality or one with sweet but toxic personality (you can sense the toxicity behind their fake behaviour and personality and made-up words), you will be able to differentiate between the two just by who they are and the vibe they give off, even they just appear on the screen for 2-3 seconds.
There are also some people who just pass mean comments in the pursuit of correcting or teaching someone. Lately, we have been seeing random people doing this. The one which got the most famous on social media recently is ‘Karen’ after which every person who behaves outwardly toxic is labeled as a Karen. Toxicity is also practiced, as we can see in such cases, at the level of race. Many of the old people believe that they are “correcting and teaching” someone the “right way” when they are just being intrusive, often abusive and toxic.
Often, when you realise that someone is toxic and they get aware about your awareness of their personality, they get alarmed and lie to others about you and defame you so that another person does not believe your truth when you are finally ready to say it but their lies. Whenever you will confront any toxic person, they will never accept by shift the blame on you. They may call you “too sensitive” or start comparing hardships both of you have faced as individuals, which is again, another of their toxic moves or the tactics of toxicity. The people who believe the toxic people will doubt the credibility of your truth because they have been brainwashed to not believe you but the toxic person. However, you need to keep standing with your truth and keep speaking it. Those who will believe you, will believe you no matter what and will understand the patterns and tricks of the toxic person. Those who do not want to believe you but the toxic person, maybe because they are close friends or fans or close acquaintances with the toxic person or maybe because they are family, they will not believe you no matter what you say. Every act to justify yourself and to show them the truth will prove to be futile. So, save your energy and do not waste your time proving yourself. In any case, if you are truthful, you have nothing to hode and be ashamed or fearful about.
Do not suffer. Do not stay silent. Carefully but surely call the toxic people out for their toxicity, even if there is a whole group of toxic people who need to be called out. For example, your whole family is toxic. Remaining silent here can turn fatal at any point of time. Then, slowly, slide them away from your life and keep strengthening your boundaries with them over time.
If you are the one who is toxic and think that you have the right to intrude someone’s personal space and comfort to “correct and teach them” and use manipulation and forced gratitude on other people for doing your duty, you need to stop doing this right now.
If you tell someone that someone is not good enough, for whatever reason or in whatever case, and that person has done no harm to anyone of any sort and has only been good or has not been bad but you made them feel less because you felt that they should feel less of themselves, you are toxic and you need to leave these habits and change immediately.
This is the generation that sees through toxicity and calls it out. So, do not be surprised if someone calls you out for being irrationally mean, stupid, arrogant. This generation tries to be empathetic first but if your bad behaviour has nothing that was making you upset or troubled and you are still trying to justify it, it will keep calling you out until a change in your behaviour is brought about. Stop shaming people by always pointing at the foods, clothes, thoughts, lifestyle and everything that you see. If it bothers you and it is a matter of their personal choice, walk away without intruding them. Stand against toxic practices like bullying, crimes, racism and many other forms of discrimination.
You neither have to be toxic nor do you have to accept any form of toxicity from anyone at any point of time. Be aware and vigilant and keep speaking against it. The society that exists now has normalised toxicity, especially that comes from older people. Do not accept any kind of toxicity from any person at any point of time at any cost. Your acceptance will make this continue further. Anyone, regardless of age, can be toxic. Even your younger siblings or cousins can be toxic. Keep a check on them to remove any possibilities of letting toxicity foster in them or it will fester through generations from one person.
How To Heal From Whatever You Have Gained From Being With A Toxic Person Or In A Toxic Situation?
Since the individuals who are stuck up in toxic situation may learn toxic patterns and behaviours due to their environment, it is necessary to unlearn them and heal those aspects. If you are able to do them on your own, that is the best. Otherwise, you may try various methods like chakr healing and reading more about them, gaining more information so that you are aware and may also identify what are the toxic things that you need to remove from yourself. Remove them as much as you can by yourself first and when you think that you cannot do it alone, save up money and search for the best professional around you that can help you and if they are not available around you, try to save up money and consult them whenever you have enough money and other resources to do that. Until then, keep working on yourself and by that I mean, keep checking on yourself—your thoughts, behaviours, actions—to be able to identify and unlearn whatever you do not need to keep within you. Do not overdo it though or new issues may be created. Try to create as much balance as you can in all of the aspects of you and your life—within and without. Healing is a constant work, not one time so obviously, be patient with yourself while working on yourself and healing or removing all the aspects that have, are or may create trouble to you. Do not judge yourself by anyone else’s “I would never do that” and if you do have a good one, listen to the advice of your therapist.
How Can You Keep A Toxic Person Or Unhealthy Or Unwanted Vibe Away Through Spiritual Methods?
There are many things that you can do without letting the toxic person know to protect your energy or keep their negative and toxic vibes away from yourself.
• You can use rosewater as it keeps negative energies away from your physical contact and is easily available.
• You can listen to Music to protect yourself from toxic people and to remove them from your life. I did this and strangely, my brother went away within a few minutes of playing this Music, even when I was playing it at the lowest volume possible.
• Stay in your power and be assertive. There are not many toxic people who try to argue with a healthy assertive person. They may go away when you strongly assert that you do not like their presence around you. However, try to assert this in a humble manner first before arguing with them.
• Raise your vibration. This will irk the toxic people and they will stay away from you. However, sometimes, your positive energy is what attracts toxic people. If that is the case, applying this alone may not be fruitful but do this first and then, apply other methods. This will also help you identify other toxic people in your life.
• Do not let toxic people linger around your space or be able to claim your space. No matter how much they try to show you that you are selfish, do not back down to their demands.
• Self work is also spiritual work. Try to keep up with appointments with your professional and talk to them about your issues with as much transparency as possible so that a solution can be found out regarding your problems.
• Do not sabotage yourself as calling yourself bad for maintaining boundaries and do not even let others do that. If someone does that, they are not needed in your life. Cut them off your life.
• Try to cut bonds with toxic people by spiritual ways like cutting ties in a spiritual way.
Calling toxic people out may cause you unhappiness and grief. This is natural. Let your emotions process. This does not mean that their behaviour was not toxic and you were the one who was wrong just because dealing with them took a toll on you and your emotions. Remember, nothing can justify toxicity. Cutting them off of your life is the best way to take away their power to affect your mental, physical and emotional health otherwise there will always be a threat to your health because of their presence. One cannot predict when and how will a toxic person show their toxicity and how much and in what ways can these behaviours and actions affect us.
We have discussed in this article about how can keep away from toxicity and why should we do that. We also discussed the repercussions of our actions. Remember, how and where someone grew up cannot be an excuse to why they have integrated the toxicity that they have learnt and chose to be toxic to others. As adults, you always have a choice to unlearn toxicity. It is not easy to do but not doing that will make you an unwanted element of the society, especially as the society is becoming more woke and aware today with more people experiencing spiritual awakening and identifying toxic patterns, behaviour and people. Whatever the case may be, tolerating toxicity is never an option. It will never give a positive outcome and may even make your situation worse because then, when you will not be able to handle it anymore after tolerating it for years nor will be able to speak up because your voice will not be heard or will be effective and all the blame will be shifted on you for your suffering as you tolerated it. Your silence will be misinterpreted by the toxic people and abusers as a sign of you being coward and you would not be able to justify yourself to others because they will say that you are influenced by someone or something and that the problem lies in you and not the toxic person because the toxic person, by then, would have made a false image in the society of being the ideal and the best parent or caretaker or person in general. This is what narcissists do so by not speaking up at an early stage, you are putting yourself in even more danger that will reveal itself later in your life when you will finally speak up and your voice will not be heard. Never tolerate toxicity in the hope that things will get better because they will get worse as the time passes by and this toxicity will then even spread through generations which will be a worse situation—for you and in general. Do not confuse toxicity with care. People can care without pointing out your flaws all the time and without belittling you or body shaming you. The same is applied for any kind of insecurities or anything that you may be struggling with in any aspect of your life on any level—mental, emotional, physical or sometimes, even spiritual.
Take this poem as a message or a warning or a sign:
There is nothing in it that can be celebrated.
Toxicity is not to be tolerated.
It only harms you in the long run.
Dealing with it at any point of time in your life is never fun.
Tolerating toxicity is submission.
By doing this, you are giving the permission
To the toxic person
To continue being a toxic person.
It shows that you are ok
With whatever wrong is being done to you.
The toxic person uses it to validate everything wrong you have gone through
And may defend themselves by saying that if you had a problem, you would say.
Toxicity may not be so evident.
This does not mean that your experience related to that becomes irrelevant
Nor is your intuition
When it identifies a toxic person.
Do not let toxic culture
That has accepted toxic patterns and behaviours
Even let you accept them as being normal
Because this will only make you suffer more in your future.
Distance yourself from toxic people
As much and as soon as possible
For your own mental sanity
So that you can live freely and healthily.
Do not wait.
Do not tolerate
Until it crosses your threshold,
Until things go out of your hold.
Sometimes, some people wear faces
Contrary to who they are behind the closed doors.
They may say that they wish your good
But do not believe until they actions and energy ensure.
Even if someone is diseased
Or if they have deceased,
This does not give them the lease
Of not being identified as someone toxic.
Tolerating toxicity does not bring peace.
This will never put you or your situation at ease.
The toxic people need to be cut off or the boundaries have to be maintained
Or else, your deterioration will continue to happen in various ways.
There are many excuses to remain toxic if you want to.
Changing behaviour requires hard work.
Accepting that one is toxic in one way or the other
Is a hard pill to swallow.
Tolerating toxicity may not make you wise
But certainly will make you weak.
It may even take away your voice,
Your call for justice may later sound extremely meek.
Therefore, many avoid this responsibility
Of taking accountability
To change their behaviour
Because they avoid seeing what is real.
Being in distress or handling stress
Can never be excuses for you or anyone to be toxic
Or if you think so, be ready to reciprocate
By not being offended when you find yourself in a similar situation as them.