One Step Crossed

Finally, after 16, 8 and 2.5 years of instances when I faced sexual abuse at the hands of three different predators older than me in age and evil in intention, breaking me altogether and after joining all my pieces to return to the original masterpiece that I am but better myself on my own, and grieving over it, crying my heart out, facing terrible emotional pain which felt like a heart attack every time and coming out of the phase when I wanted to die after giving myself one last chance, now, in this moment, I feel like I have finally broken free from all of those shackles and really feel the burden completely off me. This doesn’t discard any of my sufferings and experiences but I am glad that now, I will be able to experience pure bliss with trust and confidence on him and me in our healthy relationship that I can sense is coming soon. I feel free now.

It may return in some other moment later but why should I ruin this blissful moment worrying about that where I am enjoying the cool breeze while thinking about how strong and what an amazing being am I, watching the beautiful clouds, wearing a wholesome dress and then, thinking about what beauty in the near future awaits me? I won’t let myself be tied up again, not by the so-called ‘well-wishers’ who never let you move ahead because they keep scratching your wounds by discussing similar painful experiences in detail in front of you for long hours. I can’t discuss such cases in detail now nor will I ever. This is my personal boundary to protect my mental and emotional space. 

I have felt tremendous shift and how suddenly, the energy has lifted up. As I write this, the wind starts blowing faster. Maybe, the nature can feel my increased happy vibration too. I am still as angry at what happened and may end those people the moment I get an opportunity to but now, with the help of my therapist, I am not allowing those bad experiences to hold myself back from loving my counterpart healthily and happily, at least not in this moment. I have realised that trauma is not my life, not my identity and now, after healing this aspect in my life, at least at the surface level so that it can no longer severely affect my relationship with my counterpart, I have crossed one extremely major step towards my healing and I will try my best to not go back. I am ready to accept and live in long-term happiness in all the healthy ways. 

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