Permanent

Dear forever,

You give me a non-judgmental space. You don’t mock me for who I am. I feel pampered and safe with you. You don’t burden me with your unrealistic expectations. I have a feeling of comfort and permanence with you. I am truly happy when I am around you. You are honest. I can trust you. I can sleep in your arms without any worries. You make me feel like a child who is carefree and loved (maybe, the love that I never received with my biological parents but you are not their replacement). You bring peace to me. This is what I feel when I imagine about you and me together.

 

I am sorry that I took so long to accept that you are my forever, my wish granted. I am not the one who likes to come in relationships and even if I do, I usually feel stuck if I have to stay in a place for a while in any of the aspects of my life. I am bit afraid to come in a relationship with you because I believe that my space will be completely taken over by you like in the various associations that I had before but somehow and don’t want to feel suffocated. That is the reason that I am a bit hesitant about coming in a relationship with anyone time and again. The closer someone comes, the more the chances of getting hurt even deeper than before increases. But I don’t know why, my intuition is giving me permission to trust you while my brain is still holding a faded warning sign (because the conclusion to its calculations is fear and doubt).

I need to work on this a bit. I need to figure out and pinpoint the why of this problem. There are a few other issues regarding career and family as well. It will take some time so if you wish to leave, please do. I don’t want you to feel stuck because of me. I wish you all the happiness and peace of mind regardless of the possibility of our prospect together. As for my feelings, I realise that I really do like you a lot and maybe, I love you but this is not the time when I can move it any further. Maybe, it will be after a few months because I can feel that I am almost there when I would be ready for being a happy and healthy partner. At least, I will actually start to work on that. Marriage can not be instant (obviously) but if I ever get married, you will be my partner. This is a clarification of my feelings, if not a confession. I am able to write this because suddenly, the air has turned positive. I hope that you find this in good faith.

Yours,

tell me who am I to you.

 

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