Didn’t Know I Was Choosing Life

Even in the moments without you, I survive

but the moments spent with you bring me to life. 

In fact, they are so surreal

that I can’t believe them even hours later.

Without you, I was respiring quite well

but you took me beyond breathing for survival. 

I am telling you honestly, 

I gave myself one last chance

only to die whenever I would have felt

that my time on Earth has come to an end. 

I wanted to die desperately but with no regrets. 

So, I decided to live instead, 

for one last time wholeheartedly

so that there would be nothing

to repent about on my deathbed.

But I did not know that I was choosing 

something extremely terrifying—

you chose me and I had to choose life—

I could see that your heart is that of a child, 

I didn’t know that, contrary to my schemes,

instead of death, I was choosing life.

I wasn’t accustomed to live

but just breathe and survive

except in some moments of art very rare.

I was suffocated in my space, 

where people around me don’t take

responsibility for harming me but keep blaming. 

Maybe, that is why I was

and still am terrified, 

because I am not accustomed to 

living sans receiving judgements or advice

as living with a person like you

and because you, in yourself, are life. 

33 thoughts on “Didn’t Know I Was Choosing Life

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