I need a major breakthrough in my life to stop myself from questioning my existence any further. The people I am surrounded with viz. my family, repeatedly bring forth the thought of worthlessness in my psyche. They have been incapable in making me feel good and worthy since ever but now, they are attacking my thought of self-acceptance and self-love. I can’t really call them my ‘family’ anymore because there is no such institution like that in my home, at least not for me.
They do favor on me so that they can lower my self-esteem in return as a payment for that. I act bitter because of and around my family. I need to cut them off my life and separate ways forever so that I can survive. They are the lowest kinds of people I have seen in my life, worse even than the bullies. At least, we know that we need to defend ourselves from the bullies and are also aware of the techniques to do so but in the case of toxic families, you become armless and defenceless.
They are hypocrites who don’t have the manners to talk to and behave with people in all but especially dire circumstances, because then their true personality is reflected in all that they say and do and then, they call truthful people out for being blunt and term them as mannerless.
I never felt that I received any of the love of my parents but only remember them pointing out to me everytime they do anything for me, whether in a subtle or a straightforward way or how I made them suffer. Doesn’t my father do that even in the present? He doesn’t feel ashamed of making me feel specifically that I should be grateful for being born in such a family. Honestly, if I would have known at the time of my birth that I have to live such a life and I can’t even complain about things that hurt or offend me because then, I will be exaggerating things or making up things that never happened (which I really suffered through but was always invisible or something fun or not a big issue to my family) because the only person who overreacts to situations or has lived a lavish life in my family is me (according to my parents, obviously).