I do not want to sleep right now because then, I will be awake when the other members of my family will be awake. I initially thought that I and my family have different mindsets but they have been attempting to cross my boundaries and enter into my private space  for a considerable number of times now. It is really disgusting and they don’t even feel guilty for doing so when I resist rather politely or retaliate. I am just the bad child in the family. Nevertheless, they can not, in any circumstance, enter into my personal and private space. I won’t let them succeed in doing that. 

 

Normally, everything looks normal and alright but there are moments that are happening now at various times of various days which reveal their toxicity and that they are just disrespectful to people because they don’t want to pay them respect. That is plain toxicity. You may think that I am bad mouthing my family to show that I am too innocent but I never cross people’s boundaries. I make sure that I don’t cross over people’s boundaries even when I am being friendly or sarcastic.

Earlier, I couldn’t understand my family but now, I hate them. Earlier, I used to think twice before considering to leave their home to shift in one that I will buy, which they won’t have the address to so that I can live in peace. I thought that I was being ungrateful and overreacting without trying to establish good bonds with them but after what my mother said to me day before yesterday, not as a joke but repeatedly, clearly showed that she has no sense or respect of my boundaries. Unfortunately, they have converted my brother’s mindset to be like them. Now, he has started becoming toxic too. 

When I go out on a walk, I dread coming back to home. I only come back because I don’t have my own money to fund my basic necessities like shelter, clothes, food and therapy because I don’t have a paying job as yet. I am working on it but it is asphyxiating to be with these people. I can’t say when my attempt to remain ignorant to their misbehavior turned to hatred but honestly, that is all I feel about them right now, despite how sweet and friendly they try to behave in front of me. Their toxicity is subtle as of now. I know, some day, when they will find just the right opportunity, they will take off their veil of kindness and concern and their toxicity will be shown by them overtly. When I can’t tolerate them now, how will I tolerate them then? I can’t wait to leave them once and never return, even if they defame me (which I know they will) to gain sympathy.

Asphyxiating Toxicity

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