I am doubting my passion a lot recently. It is like while I am doing it physically and not just thinking about it, I love it and can see myself doing it for the rest of my life but then, there are some horrid moments of solitude where I feel that maybe, it is not my passion anymore and that I am just carrying it forward out of my habit or as a duty.
Maybe, it is not about Music at all. I think that there is some authentic and beautiful part of me that is connected to me through Music only and thus, I love those moments and don’t want them to end but when I am not connected with that part of me, I feel disconnected from Music on a soul level.
Maybe, I have lost myself somehow and somewhere by letting all the troubles and worries of my life bother me extremely and since I am not connected with myself authentically, I feel distant from Music too. I am giving up on courage and faith mostly and am tired with all the difficulties that I have already faced. Maybe, this lack of energy is keeping me from being able to work on my goals towards my passion.
I will reconcile my relationship with Music. I will have to because when I am disconnected from Music, life becomes lifeless, purposeless and meaningless to me. Music has always been a constant, divine, positive presence in my life. It makes me human becomes it allows me to feel. I will feel again. I will overcome this doubt, conquer over it and establish a fresh and better bond with Music.