Sometimes, I observe myself
and I see myself doing things
that indicate that I don’t want to be healed
because healing requires a lot of courage.
It demands physical strength
and courage to allow myself to feel
and sit with my issues that I need to heal
but to do that, I have no energy.
It is the greatest self-harm—
to intrude in the process of healing—
but sometimes I am overwhelmed
or have to endure painful feelings.
I hate being vulnerable.
It is that from which I escape.
I do everything to protect myself
from me or someone else.