I am losing interest in everything again. I know why. It is because I am losing interest in myself. I am trying really hard to be interested in my myself but my habit of sabotaging is returning in bits again.
I believe I am calm and alright but I am not. I get to know about it in moments when I feel numbness or extreme pain emotionally. I think I am either feeling a lot or not feeling anything. Maybe, I don’t want to feel anything.
I can’t point at the moment or state a reason to how I returned to this place which took me weeks to escape from. I am shuffling things to make me feel alive. It is as if I am doing things as a walking dead person, as if I can function but not feel or at times, even tell whether I am in my thoughts or am I experiencing reality.
I have not given up though. I am trying to re-establish my faith and interest in myself. I have not much motivation and no energy left yet I will keep trying. Until I can’t seek help from another person capable of helping me, I am trying to be patient with myself. It is tough but I am trying.