I have a strange opinion towards death. I look forward to it because I think it must be more beautiful than life but I fear it because what if while I will be dying, I wish for life. I want my quest to be fulfilled.
I am an empath. I catch people’s energies and I am affected by the happenings around the world. Therefore, I avoid watching or reading new altogether. The news, however, reaches me somehow. News inclines me towards death. Sometimes, even the positive ones.
I am hurt, in pain. This pain never really goes away. So, I think that it will end when I will. Hence, I wish for death but what I really wish for is only happiness that stays a bit longer and visits more often than problems and grief. I just want to be happy without feeling guilty about it or fearing that something bad follows my happiness.