I think that I am strong
but if I closely observe,
I am just many broken pieces
put together to look like a structure.
Until you don’t touch it,
it will remain as it is.
The moment I have the slightest inconvenience,
all the pieces will fall down.
I believe I am ok
until people don’t start
talking about what they think I lack
and impose their wills and desires
and their expectations of me
and tell that to me
in such a demanding and a tone of authority
that it becomes more of an obligation.
Anything can remind me of the past.
Anything can trigger
my grief or my anger
even in the moments
when I think I am not bothered
with any issues at the present.
The more I avoid
what triggers my anxiety or depression,
the more I seem to believe
that I am coming back in my power
or even if not, I am basically over
whatever that bothered
my mind and body’s order.
Sometimes, the reality of me sufaces
in front of me.
These are the moments
when I feel
that my depression or anxiety,
the overwhelming feeling
has returned in me
but if I closely notice,
they never left initially.
They were there since the beginning.