I have a strange connection with silence. It scares me but sometimes, it is a need as it enables me to process my thoughts. But I hate more than I like its presence.
I think I have a habit of not experiencing silence since in my house, from the time that you wake up till the time that you go to sleep, there is always commotion. Additionally, I take up some tasks everyday— reading, writing, attending Music class and before that, rehearsing (riyaaz)— which don’t let my mind be on its own. So, a few minutes of utter silence feel weird.
But then, it gets too much. Thoughts after thoughts in cycle keep revolving in my mind. Some let themselves out in dreams and some make me wonder whether I am awake or dreaming. Some give me hope of a calm and sweet future and others make me restless and my heartbeat race.
Honestly, it is a bit scary but also feels good to have no thoughts to process at all but only pleasant feelings to feel. It feels extremely good to be mindful. It gets a bit boring but is better than numbness.
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