I don’t know what to write today.
I am just too overwhelmed.
So, make up stories in your head for the day.
I am already questioning my existence.
No, I am not planning to die
but surely, here, I feel like I am trapped
and choked as if in a cage.
I am, for sure, struggling to survive.
I know I have discovered many truths
but it seems like I have two minds.
One shows me the mirror
and other doesn’t want anything to be realised.
Both of them are fighting
while I, as a judge, know the truth nevertheless.
I know who is my constant source of stress
and who is behind my lack of confidence.
My mind, though,
is unable to
justify the reality
of my family’s dysfunctionality.
Because they don’t look as they feel
but energies don’t lie.
On the front, there seems no logic
but with them,
everyday has become hard to survive.
I am constantly being watched at
and my thoughts are being tried to be manipulated.
I still, though, can see no threat
but feel as if I need to be saved.
I feel free and me
anywhere but with my ‘family’.
I feel no connection with them whatsoever.
I don’t know which mind to favor.
It seems like my family has changed
and will not repeat their mistakes
but I know, for sure, they will
purposely inflict hurt
when the situation occurs
as it is in their nature.
This is what I am feeling right now
along with extreme confusion
and denial of the possibility of such a situation
as I keep gathering new information.