I don’t know what to write today.

I am just too overwhelmed.

So, make up stories in your head for the day.

I am already questioning my existence. 


No, I am not planning to die

but surely, here, I feel like I am trapped

and choked as if in a cage.

I am, for sure, struggling to survive.


I know I have discovered many truths

but it seems like I have two minds.

One shows me the mirror

and other doesn’t want anything to be realised.


Both of them are fighting

while I, as a judge, know the truth nevertheless.

I know who is my constant source of stress

and who is behind my lack of confidence. 


My mind, though,

is unable to

justify the reality

of my family’s dysfunctionality.


Because they don’t look as they feel 

but energies don’t lie.

On the front, there seems no logic

but with them,

everyday has become hard to survive.


I am constantly being watched at

and my thoughts are being tried to be manipulated.

I still, though, can see no threat

but feel as if I need to be saved.


I feel free and me

anywhere but with my ‘family’.

I feel no connection with them whatsoever.

I don’t know which mind to favor.


It seems like my family has changed

and will not repeat their mistakes

but I know, for sure, they will

purposely inflict hurt

when the situation occurs

as it is in their nature.


This is what I am feeling right now

along with extreme confusion

and denial of the possibility of such a situation

as I keep gathering new information.


In Denial

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