Feelings upon feelings, failures upon failures, heartbreaks upon heartbreaks pile up and one day, they just keep rolling in flashes in your mind like the script of a movie, except that this movie is your life. The only response your body gives is to cry because you cannot hold it in anymore nor can you fight any longer. So, your emotions break free from the limitations you had put upon them and you breakdown.
You cannot function anymore, at least not at this moment. You don’t ‘have it all together’ in this moment, as you ‘should’ according to people who keep spreading toxicity shamelessly. You don’t want anyone to question you about anything because honestly, you don’t know either about what is exactly going on within you. You cannot really pinpoint what is bothering you so much that you can do nothing right now except for crying.
Do you feel good after crying? Not really because no matter how much you cry, there will be some moment left not grieved for. Does the burden shed off of your heart and mind? No. Can you control yourself to not to cry then? No. Why? You don’t know. Is that ok? Of course it is. Emotions are not necessarily—and don’t even need to be—backed by logic. You feel—that’s human enough.
So, are you allowed to break down? Honestly, in my opinion, you don’t need anyone’s permission for that. They don’t feel what you feel so they do not know how to handle your emotions. They are just stopping you to escape from confrontation and outburst of their feelings. You are a human with emotions, which are to be felt and which make you human, unless you harm someone else’s human rights. Feel what you feel and do what you think you need to do. Trust your intuition and you will never be wrong. As they say, ‘live your life on your own terms’. I wish that you get the courage to handle your breakdown without being bothered about others’ opinions.