Take pride in being yourself. I am proud of myself. I consider small successes as my increments and moral boosts. I will share an incident of yesterday that I consider as my growth. Maybe, no one except me would consider it growth but how do their opinions matter to me?
Yesterday, i.e., on Saturday, after nearly two months of constant struggle and failures, I was able to win over my anxiety. I know this is not its end but at least I have started to realise that I can win over my anxiety, no matter how much time and effort it takes. My guru’s carefree nature and the presence of kids helped me achieve this. Earlier, I wasn’t able to sing without my guru guiding me most of the time. It is not that he didn’t guide my singing yesterday but at least I could implement all that I practiced because earlier, my guru taught me so but I wasn’t able to perform before him properly.
Today, i.e., on Sunday, I started to learn something new. This new beginning has brought challenges but hope with it. I felt rejuvenated on attempting it for the first time. It wasn’t perfect for sure but at least, I tried.
I never know what the next moment brings to my table but no matter what, I accept it, sooner or later. Today, I sat with my anxiety and asked, ‘Why do you even exist? I don’t even know about the next moment and you make my nervous system weak by thinking of situations that either will never happen or would certainly happen but not today, in future? Why don’t you let my confidence step ahead instead? Why don’t you let me live in the moment?’ and I wrote it out of my head. I know it is not gone forever but now I feel relieved. I won’t let my anxiety win this time.
I am at ease right now. Come what may, I will remain peaceful. I am making the best of today. Unlike before, this time I am lucky to have the opportunity to accept the reality that I will face in the future. It may or may not make me anxious but it won’t make me numb like before, for sure. As for my examination, what I needed to learn at the very basic minimum, I have learnt and I am practicing that already. I have to be more cautious than before to register all the new things that my guru teaches me while he is with me. I can learn his teachings and keep the with me as invariable truths. I will take pride in myself whenever I will recall the moments he praised me for my hard work.