I am an atheist. As I said before, I only believe in energies. Another fact about me is that I place my guru above the order of any God. So, if my teaching that I will receive from my guru is in threat, I will believe in any God and chant any mantra. He is the source of motivating and positive energy that I need.
I have rarely found any good teacher in my life and only one guru who has helped me in the path of my awakening. Many people may perceive my feeling of utmost respect towards my guru as a liking towards him from my side but to be true, even to check myself, if I imagine myself having such feelings, I can only see myself touching his feet and bowing down in front of him. Any other thought, which obviously is suggested by my friends, gives me discomfort.
My guru’s talking about the possibility of not teaching me in the future doesn’t give me anxiety because I like him. I have already clarified that all I feel for him is immense respect as a shishya. It makes me anxious because I know that no other teacher will be able to teach me with such perfection while understanding my problems simultaneously.
Another thought that makes me anxious is that I have seen that rare good teachers and especially gurus are left to truly impart their knowledge to their shishyas. Almost everyone is just concerned about the amount of money they earn. Very rarely have I seen teachers who are willing to learn, think and act beyond their egos. They are just teachers who can’t be gurus ever if they don’t change themselves for the better. Often I find myself being suffocated under the burden of my teachers’ expectations.
A guru who can teach beyond what is prescribed in the syllabus or what will do as a minimum basic to pass my examinations with flying colors is who I seek. He or she should be willing to clarify my doubts that seem to be out of the syllabus and should never feel bad about me prospering and achieving something good that they might not have suggested to me. There should be no space for negativity but growth. I am lucky enough to find my guru who trusted in my abilities when I didn’t and who knew what I thought when I couldn’t, who could share his experience without hesitation to motivate me and most importantly, who expressed but didn’t burden me with his expectations which helped me grow.