Fear of judgement. This is the only fear which I have not been able to get rid of or heal from even after being on the self-journey. I fear judgement. So much that it prevents me from sharing my abilities and knowledge with people. This is why I doubt if I could actually narrate my thoughts and maybe, that is why I chose to be confined to writing and not narrating.
Maybe, I fear my own judgement as well. This fear is a dilemma. On one hand, I want to constantly improve and that will not be possible if I don’t work on my mistakes. Pointing out my mistakes will certainly require judgement. On the other, I don’t know what I don’t want to face. I have been judged inappropriately for petty reasons so much in my childhood that I watch everything I say, do, wear.
I know that success is not a state but a process of constant evolution. This evolution can only occur when I accept that I need to change and that will certainly require for me to be judged but again, I am not yet able to cope with the fear of judgement.
I have been raised in a family where everyone talks about righteousness. People rarely understand that you can only be right when you have been wrong many times. Perfection does not come without mistakes. I have inculcated this perfectionism in my behavior which is not such a good thing to do.
I feel the burden of expectations because I fear judgement. I love making mistakes and learning from them but someone, surely, judges me and I can’t help my thoughts from directing towards self-doubt. To get rid of this fear has been in my check-list since past many years but I haven’t been able to achieve them yet despite drastic changes in me and my life. It just adds to my struggle.
If you, as an individual, have a habit of judging yourself or someone else constantly, you can empathise with me. Unless you are a guide or a teacher or if it is not necessary, prevent yourself from judging people. Watch your thoughts and evaluate them. You don’t need to feel ashamed if you have judged people before but you can surely cut your own negative thoughts with positive ones. Try to be evaluative, not judgemental.