I am trapped. I don’t know if they are my thoughts or the weather that suffocates me, but my throat feels choked off air. Maybe it’s the pressure I feel when I think of my career prospects from the perspective of my family— the economic point of view.
I want a change. There have been changes too— in me, in my environment, in my friends, in my education and career life— but I feel stuck again. I can’t figure it out. Maybe, it’s something in the unconscious. I feel like a butterfly trapped in the web of a spider flapping its wings to no avail.
I feel as if I am stuck in time by a wax which is unwilling to melt by the heat of my perseverance, willpower and steps I take towards the path of growth. I feel like I am an old soul trapped in a young body. Sometimes, I feel otherwise.
I feel trapped with the flashbacks of the moments that my mind makes me recall undeliberately that I shared with him. At times, I find myself skipping the songs I loved but now don’t listen to because they remind me of him and his treachery.
I want a permanent freedom. Where I don’t need to think twice before I laugh. Where there are no religious or moral constrictions placed upon me or some undue expectations that people keep from me that make my shoulders, heart and head heavy. I want an escape— a life-like life.