Exhausted

My father and brother never appreciate most of the work I do. My brother associates development with economy and father always wishes for the impossible. When it is about studies, he wishes I should score excellent marks in all the subjects. Being an above average student in academics, it’s not practically possible for my distracted mind and weak memory to concentrate equally and give the best results in everything I put my head into. I don’t possess academic but verbal or linguistic and musical or rhythmic intelligence among the ten types of intelligences explained by Howard Gardener.

 

When it is about writing, for example, blogs, they set a target that one should write one post daily so that the audience would be gathered on the blog and more views would make the monetisation of the blog fruitful to an extent. For me, though, writing is a food for thought. 

Simarly, when it comes to my passion— music— my father starts an interrogation session with me and asks certain questions nobody can practically provide an answer to. Supposedly, the most common question he asks is, ‘What is your career in music?’. When I explain that to him, he poses another question, ‘How would you pursue it? What are the steps?’ Now, this is a question I will never provide him an answer to, not because I don’t have any but because I am aware that if I told him that, some of his responses are certain:

First, he will start calculating that how much that profession costs on an average or at the minimal basic level at the start. Then, he will start calculating how much he will have to spend on it. At the end, his statement remains constant, ‘This profession is very costly’ or ‘ok, but this is just for fun, what will be your profession, the serious one?’ or ‘why do you want to pursue this profession at all? What’s the gain you would get by pursuing it?’ 

Also, my so-called ‘friends’ are never able to console me or make me mentally relax but only pose a threat of ending my friendship with them lest I don’t do certain things as they wish me to. For instance, my parents, especially my father, never approves of me meeting my friends. He is justified in this matter, too, as my friends can’t make a definite plan and name places where practically one can never enjoy due to the exhaustion of the long distanced journey. This tussle between my friends and parents make me exhausted and I feel like quitting everything and escaping to a new land with a new life.

The attitude of my father remains constant to any sort of help or idea I propose him with. Now, to provide an answer to these questions and statements pisses me off. Not because I am a typical new generation child who doesn’t understand the concerns of the parents, but because I don’t believe in giving any explanation to anyone about my passion and pursuing it. It drains my energy and makes me exhausted. There is already a lot of competition in the world in every field to make one have double thoughts regarding pursuing their passion at the first place. In such a situation, one must have the support of someone they believe they are close to. My family itself doesn’t appreciate fully whatever I achieve in my passion. For them, everything is a minimal or no achievement. Apart from that, they even discourage others from appreciating my work and effort. Due to all of this, though my parents are not realising it, but I am slowly getting separated from my family and all those who make me stand on unnecessary crossroads. Slowly, I am turning cynical for my survival because after all that life has made go through uptil now and is making me suffer in bits or more now as well make me think better of death and only when do I pursue my passion, I believe that life is a bit worth living. Only that keeps me going, otherwise, I’m completely exhausted by the constant struggles with no time to breathe in between.

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s