My friends tell me to move on. Well, little do they understand that moving on in life doesn’t make the feelings in you that you have for someone diminish. It just means to accept the fact of their exit from your life. It just means that whatever happens in your life is not my concern anymore. None of it.
They are not wrong by asserting such a suggestion to me about you. They are brutally honest and would stay with me for my lifetime unlike you and your sweet promises. Rather now, even I am happy to stay aloof from you since you and your emotions come with a validity period while my friends are my lifetime achievements. But, on days like these when the weather gets old and takes one to one’s past, the memories appear appealingly afresh in front of the eyes.
Yes, I have accepted the fact that you LIKED me and misnamed it as love. I know now the exact difference between the various emotions similar to love, and realise what love feels like, owing to you. And though I am not able to ‘find love’ (as we name dating sugar-coatedly) again, I know immediately when I am NOT in love. And I think, this acknowledgment is more crucial and precious. Since, I believe I should not repeat the mistake you committed. I cannot live peacefully bearing the burden of a heart broken by me.
I admit that I am strong since whenever I recall the memories we shared, tears drop down my cheeks, no matter how much I try to hold them back. And once they start flowing, I stop stopping them. At least, it’s better than dancing in the masquerades. It makes me stronger. Yet, I am still as much the ‘go with the flow’ girl, and I don’t regret, rather cherish it.
But I still remain an escapist, trying to run away from my feelings. Sometimes, I fail to realise that these feelings and emotions are what channelise life. I am still the same girl who takes a lot of time and immense comfort level to accept her love for her beloved. Sometimes, I write to imbibe my true thought into my essence. I don’t know why am I like that, it’s just how I am. Unfiltered.
You made me stronger than before. You held me when I was at the lowest point in my life. You recharged me. I never wish to erase the three years of my life spent with you from my memory since you were a book of philosophy with innumerous lessons and I was a studious student who had to excel in this exam of life, so I read all the corners and pages of you. I was delighted just as much by the cover as the content of various flavours that it held. You made me re-establish belief in men. Thank you would be an understatement for all that you gave me.
Those three years were enough to spend my lifetime. Hey! you also made me realise that I had the emotion of love somewhere hidden and locked in the chest of my heart. I didn’t know it also held a red to colour life, but only grey, white and black. Thank you for painting my canvas with rainbows.
And I know that you pretended to be perfect, but thanks to that pretence, I experienced what perfect is. Though you were imperfectly perfect, I know now what I deserve and also, what I hold in my chest for the one who deserves my perfect version, more perfect than before.
And yes, I wrote about you. But no, it doesn’t mean that I am stuck with you. It’s just that I had to express what I felt because I don’t escape from my feelings anymore, unlike you. Nobody had ever been able to nor would ever be able to bind me by social, emotional, or any other restrictions in life, unlike how you are bound. Slowly, easily, I am feeling all that was and is directed towards you to be left remaining with none.