Yes, you. You think I am there, or probably never was, or probably will remain forever. You left. That’s the end of your love story………oops! infatuation story. But my love story, my strength, my quest for something beautiful beyond words has just begun.
You think that this was one of those infatuation stories we witness everywhere, everyday. I believe you couldn’t see beyond what I offered you on table. I assume I overestimated your skills by believing your fake portrayal. Nonetheless, it will be better if you learn to demarcate between your real and staged life now.
If not, I’ll help you. After all, we were best friends…… I suppose! You know, when your act is over, the audience might connect as much as they can with you but will reinstate quickly and the performance would get you thousand of appraisals of various kinds. I know you believe that all the world’s a stage but when you act in real life, real emotions are involved and most importantly, the other person is not aware that he/she has a fake portrayal to deal with—a role play. Especially when an honest person is opposite you, you get real emotions to deal with, which, being an escapist as you are, you cannot accept or handle the consequences of the choices that you make regarding this. Since you entered my life willingly, I tried to hold you back from getting attracted towards the exit. But now, since you have already befriended it, I hope you remain friends. I hope the exit must have conveyed to you, being your current best buddy, that you can talk to it, but not through it. I hope my smiling exit door would help you in dealing with the fact that the girl who once used to crave you is now not interested in looking at your face, or acknowledging the signs of your presence.
I am not saying that I don’t love you or that I have stopped embracing your direct or indirect presence in my life. But there’s something that matters to me more than you, more than anything and anyone. That’s my self- worth. It comes before you, before my family, before my own impulses and before everything. When I look at you while passing by and give an automatic smile, don’t start assuming probabilities in your head. Since I am just smiling on one of the beautiful aspects of my past, which are and will remain an essential and mesmerizing part of my life, but not my present and future.
Don’t think I don’t remember you. I remember everything as if nothing has happened, no changes have occurred. After all, you were the most beautiful mistake I committed in my life. But I don’t need you. I don’t need your confusion which creates chaos in other’s lives. I still imagine scenarios in my head. How can I not? But you are not welcome again. I miss you but your absence doesn’t make me any less of me. I am complete in myself and even if I am not, I love my incompleteness.
Sometimes, leaving the past can be as beautiful. You might miss something or someone, but it’s not necessary you should get back to them. Sometimes, some things can only be felt by you alone. And that’s okay. That’s good. That’s you meeting yourself, one person in your life who’ll be by your side— you.